a beautiful sunday

today has been a rather good day. actually, it's been a pretty good week. after getting back from utah, i feel like i suddenly had this peace that things were getting better. some of my forementioned desires had disappeared due to the replacement of other amiable desires. i felt as though i had slight more control over my happiness, though i still do not know what i am doing. i am still confused about what i want as far as the future with school and career, but those things that seem to govern my well-being began to be taking a turn; namely that of faith and love.

it's amazing how much those two things can bring us such joy yet so much agony. love is inevitable to bring to pass those reactions, but faith is something that i had never considered until i lost it then began to search for it again. faith really is an assurance that you know that what you are doing is good--when you know who you are and what you believe in. what you truly believe is what you do and what you do is who you are...they go hand in hand. i never doubted that i was a daughter of god. i never doubted that i am smart. i never doubted that i can do whatever i want as long as i persevere. what i did doubt is my desires. it's been a long, hard journey to figure out what i want in life, what things make me solemnly happy. i am no where near to knowing what those are yet, but im on a track that's bringing back positive results and new ideas and therefore i know that what im doing is good--my intentions are correct. i am not cured of heartache, but i a. moving on...embracing the excitement of new adventures but still remaining hesitant and careful. there are many things i want to be and having the idea to be those things is the first step toward accomplishing them.

im speaking very vaguely right now so let me provide some examples. this past friday, i worked a very long shift but i spent my whole day either learning or teaching/training. while i feel like i got nothing done, i feel like i was so accomplished. i felt that within this day, i was learning characteristics that are not only beneficial to my so-called management careers, but also taught me things that will aid me to be a better person in life, especially when it comes to raising a family. some things you really just have to experience and learn for yourself in order to "feel" in, and in consequence, help and relate to others. words out of another's mouth only go so far when they touch the ear, it's on a different level when it touches the heart. it's a sense that no one can deny. people forget what enters only into their mind, but there is no way to forget that which sneaks its way into the heart. .......so much for not being vague.

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