I don't know where to draw the line in expressing my true feelings about situations over a blog. I feel if I were to do so, it would seem as though I am depressed, and it would be depressing to read my blog. Part of me wants to vent and cry in my blog because I need to get it out of my system, but the other part of me realizes that I ought to conceal these emotions when writing publicly. I mean, it's not like a lot of people are going to read this or anything, though I would feel as if I'm hiding from reality if all I post in my blog are good things. This is not reality. For the most part, my life is far from good right now. Is it better to try and focus on the good things and make it seem as if my life is really that way (to the people that don't talk to me on a regular basis and only read my blog), or is it better to share the veracity of my life and make it seem like I'm being pessimistic. I'm certainly not overly optimistic, nor am I anywhere near pessimistic. I'm just having a hard time right now and have cried numerous times due to certain circumstances. I won't write for pity but I want others to understand my reality. At the same time, ought I to save these emotions for someone who cares to listen. What if I don't have anyone to vent to? Then I write. I could vent about the facts of reality and how life sucks, but the important thing is how I feel. If I don't express my feelings one way or another, they'll be locked inside and end up exploding like they did two days ago (I won't go into detail right now). I'm complicated. As time goes on, I may or may not play with the written description of my sentiments.
Daily Log:
I was irate all morning this morning. The morning started off with me not waking up until 10 and still feeling tired. I was upset because there were things I needed to get done today but only had 3.5 hours to complete, not including 'getting ready' time. I wanted to go to the gym but i didn't. Instead I left around 10:30 and drove all the way to downtown because of some errands that led me there. I tried to find an Einstein Bagel's downtown and got really upset because I never could find one, again wasting my time. From there I drove to New Braunfels on I-35 and got caught behind some EXTREMELY slow drivers. I was bound to find furniture today and these people were putting me behind my time schedule. I was tired and frustrated by time I made it to the first Ashley store--so much so that I was no longer in the mood to look. I made it all the way to New Braunfels and decided to no longer debate what I wanted and just make a decision. I bought couches. I then sped back to SA, ran home to change, then went to another Ashley store and wasn't in the mood to look at options anymore and just made a decision. It was a semi-expensive decision but they were offering 15% off today only. The good thing is that I have 14 days to return the product if I don't like it for a full-refund.
Work sucked. I realized that EVERY single day since Saturday someone has called off on their shifts. People who don't work at my job don't understand the gravity of this situation. We're short-staffed as it is, then people have the audacity to think they're above the schedule we make and call off. Now I can't say this is what happened for every call-off because there were emergencies. Still though, I have no manager support because my other two managers are both out of town leaving me to be the only one in charge. I wouldn't mind this if people showed up to work, or if I didn't have to work a 1pm-12am schedule every day. Luckily I did get out of work a little early tonight.
I went to the movie theater by myself tonight. It was my first time. I always made judgments on people who would go to the movie theater or to a restaurant by themselves. I didn't feel dumb going by myself. In fact, I felt confident going by myself because I wanted to see Inception and I wasn't going to wait until I had time or friends to see it with me. I will refuse to ever see a movie by myself on Valentine's Day though. In reality, it doesn't matter whether or not you have people with you at a movie theater because it's not like you talk to anyone anyway. Movie watching is not as much a social event as it is entertainment. Who says you need to be entertained with other people?
Inception brought to mind a couple of things:
1. Career path
2. Coming to terms with reality
3. Subconscious thinking
4. The structure of dreams
5. I think the whole point of the movie was the 'idea.' I think that the entire movie was just an idea but none of it was reality.
...Shoot... I had a lot more things running through my head on my way home from the movie but I can't remember them. And I'm really tired and don't want to write anymore. So I'll save my thoughts on the movie for another day because they all strongly need further details.
Goodnight
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