I don't know where to draw the line in expressing my true feelings about situations over a blog. I feel if I were to do so, it would seem as though I am depressed, and it would be depressing to read my blog. Part of me wants to vent and cry in my blog because I need to get it out of my system, but the other part of me realizes that I ought to conceal these emotions when writing publicly. I mean, it's not like a lot of people are going to read this or anything, though I would feel as if I'm hiding from reality if all I post in my blog are good things. This is not reality. For the most part, my life is far from good right now. Is it better to try and focus on the good things and make it seem as if my life is really that way (to the people that don't talk to me on a regular basis and only read my blog), or is it better to share the veracity of my life and make it seem like I'm being pessimistic. I'm certainly not overly optimistic, nor am I anywhere near pessimistic. I'm just having a hard time right now and have cried numerous times due to certain circumstances. I won't write for pity but I want others to understand my reality. At the same time, ought I to save these emotions for someone who cares to listen. What if I don't have anyone to vent to? Then I write. I could vent about the facts of reality and how life sucks, but the important thing is how I feel. If I don't express my feelings one way or another, they'll be locked inside and end up exploding like they did two days ago (I won't go into detail right now). I'm complicated. As time goes on, I may or may not play with the written description of my sentiments.
Daily Log:
I was irate all morning this morning. The morning started off with me not waking up until 10 and still feeling tired. I was upset because there were things I needed to get done today but only had 3.5 hours to complete, not including 'getting ready' time. I wanted to go to the gym but i didn't. Instead I left around 10:30 and drove all the way to downtown because of some errands that led me there. I tried to find an Einstein Bagel's downtown and got really upset because I never could find one, again wasting my time. From there I drove to New Braunfels on I-35 and got caught behind some EXTREMELY slow drivers. I was bound to find furniture today and these people were putting me behind my time schedule. I was tired and frustrated by time I made it to the first Ashley store--so much so that I was no longer in the mood to look. I made it all the way to New Braunfels and decided to no longer debate what I wanted and just make a decision. I bought couches. I then sped back to SA, ran home to change, then went to another Ashley store and wasn't in the mood to look at options anymore and just made a decision. It was a semi-expensive decision but they were offering 15% off today only. The good thing is that I have 14 days to return the product if I don't like it for a full-refund.
Work sucked. I realized that EVERY single day since Saturday someone has called off on their shifts. People who don't work at my job don't understand the gravity of this situation. We're short-staffed as it is, then people have the audacity to think they're above the schedule we make and call off. Now I can't say this is what happened for every call-off because there were emergencies. Still though, I have no manager support because my other two managers are both out of town leaving me to be the only one in charge. I wouldn't mind this if people showed up to work, or if I didn't have to work a 1pm-12am schedule every day. Luckily I did get out of work a little early tonight.
I went to the movie theater by myself tonight. It was my first time. I always made judgments on people who would go to the movie theater or to a restaurant by themselves. I didn't feel dumb going by myself. In fact, I felt confident going by myself because I wanted to see Inception and I wasn't going to wait until I had time or friends to see it with me. I will refuse to ever see a movie by myself on Valentine's Day though. In reality, it doesn't matter whether or not you have people with you at a movie theater because it's not like you talk to anyone anyway. Movie watching is not as much a social event as it is entertainment. Who says you need to be entertained with other people?
Inception brought to mind a couple of things:
1. Career path
2. Coming to terms with reality
3. Subconscious thinking
4. The structure of dreams
5. I think the whole point of the movie was the 'idea.' I think that the entire movie was just an idea but none of it was reality.
...Shoot... I had a lot more things running through my head on my way home from the movie but I can't remember them. And I'm really tired and don't want to write anymore. So I'll save my thoughts on the movie for another day because they all strongly need further details.
Goodnight
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Crickets...and other insects
As I was putting my blazer on a hanger today, I was startled by my friend, Cricket. He sat patiently on my floor as I grabbed a tissue and escorted him to my toilet--I felt he would serve a much better purpose there. So now, Cricket is probably wandering somewhere deep within the San Antonio Water System pipes. It's too bad, I'll miss the times we spent together. Though, I'm sure I'll be seeing his family soon--somewhere amidst the hundreds of thousand crickets that have been roaming San Antonio lately. It is quite incredible how many of them there are. I don't remember there being this many here last year. In fact, I don't remember seeing them at all last year. Once the sun starts to set, they all appear. At work it's pretty bad. I've seen crickets on the 20th floor of the hotel. They must just hop onto the elevator or something.
I just saw another cricket walking around in my room. I have no idea how they get in here. They're sneaky creatures, that's for sure. And they're quite harmless but I send them away nonetheless--I don't like the thought of having little bugs wandering around my new apartment. I think they sit outside my door at night and wait for me to not pay attention when I walk in or out, then they sneak in. How inconsiderate!
Then, while I was at work today, I found a butterfly. It was dead, but it was beautiful. So what do I do? I keep it. It's sitting on my counter right now. I don't really know what to do with it. I feel like I ought to frame it or something...don't really know how to go about doing that.
Today, I met a man from Napoli, or Firenze, Italy. It was fun talking to him. A while back, I started to learn Italian, only a couple phrases, but I couldn't remember anything. He told me I was "bellissimo!" (sp?) and told me I must marry an Italian man because he will be "full of love" and "work very hard" (he said this all with his Italian accent). Well shoot, looks like I need to go to Italy to find myself the man of my dreams. It might have to wait a year or two though.
I just saw another cricket walking around in my room. I have no idea how they get in here. They're sneaky creatures, that's for sure. And they're quite harmless but I send them away nonetheless--I don't like the thought of having little bugs wandering around my new apartment. I think they sit outside my door at night and wait for me to not pay attention when I walk in or out, then they sneak in. How inconsiderate!
Then, while I was at work today, I found a butterfly. It was dead, but it was beautiful. So what do I do? I keep it. It's sitting on my counter right now. I don't really know what to do with it. I feel like I ought to frame it or something...don't really know how to go about doing that.
Today, I met a man from Napoli, or Firenze, Italy. It was fun talking to him. A while back, I started to learn Italian, only a couple phrases, but I couldn't remember anything. He told me I was "bellissimo!" (sp?) and told me I must marry an Italian man because he will be "full of love" and "work very hard" (he said this all with his Italian accent). Well shoot, looks like I need to go to Italy to find myself the man of my dreams. It might have to wait a year or two though.
Monday, July 19, 2010
For now, this will do...
Today I became very frustrated at the things that were going on in my life...and mostly the fact that there are things I used to do and love but no longer do because I cannot find the time or the desire when I do have time. One of these things was keeping a journal. Since I've lived in Texas, I have gone off and on with keeping a journal. It frustrates me that I can't look back at the past couple months and remember the things I did or the emotions I felt. It seems as though I've been mentally distracted over the past few months and I have not allowed my mind to explore or delve deeper than the surface of the events that are happening to me.
I'm not yet sure on what I want to achieve from this blog. My original idea for a blog, that I never started, was to write down my dreams as I remember them. I think a photo blog would be pretty cool...if only I remembered to take pictures and consistently put my pictures on my computer (my pictures usually don't make it to Facebook until at least 6 months after the first picture in the bunch was taken). A daily log of the significant things in my day seems to be what my journal is used for and this might be boring for some people to read...unless I make it interesting. I could always expand on the little thoughts that come to my mind (which seems quite common of a lot of blogs) or I can work through some of the big things that are on my mind. I've seen cooking/recipe blogs, fitness blogs, couple blogs, and many more. I am not sure but eventually I would like a theme to my entries, but for now, this will do and I will write whatever I want to write about.
In reading a very select number of blogs in my life, I find there is a certain rhetoric to blog-writing. I can't quite describe what it is, but I find myself falling into it as I'm writing now. Maybe it's the I-know-someone-is-reading-this-but-I'll-never-know-who writing style--you don't release too much emotion but just enough to give the reader a taste of your personality.
Daily Log:
Today was my second of two days off this week...but not really because I got called into work anyway. Since I started my new position (Assistant Front Office Manager), I have yet to work less than 6 days in a work week and less than 55 hours in a week. I was hoping this week would be different, but it wasn't. Luckily I only had to work 4 hours today vs. my normal 10-hour day. Yay for salary. Bleh.
Speaking of work, I did get some good news. I have been invited to attend an Introduction to Management course in Fort Worth for a week at the end of August. I'm not sure how big of a deal this is. I know I basically get to meet every single person from the Corporate Office but I don't really know what it's about--introducing me to management I suppose? This will be my first trip that my job is sending me on. It's only too bad the corporate office wasn't in New York or Florida.
Outside of work I spent my entire day running errands as usual. I'm in the process of buying furniture. My dining room and living room feel quite lonely right now. I also looked for a new phone. I am terrible at making decisions because I spend much too long trying to decide what's best for me. I'll even go to the extent of writing out a pro/con-list, only to find that they are completely even in their pros and cons. Eventually I have to make a decision. I have not reached this point yet on a phone, couch, or dining table. Tomorrow I am taking the morning off to not think about any of these "difficult" decisions (all of these decisions require me to commit to giving my money monthly to someone for the next year or two, which is why finalizing something is so hard). Meh.
Well, I think that is all for today. This isn't nearly the extent of information I would include in my journal, so I might end up doing both. Also, if there is a way to comment on blogs, feel free to do so. There are some things I'll write about that I would love feedback on, especially when I'm trying to work through frustrations or deep thoughts. Ok now, goodnight. Buona Notte. Bonne Nuit. Buenos Noches.
I'm not yet sure on what I want to achieve from this blog. My original idea for a blog, that I never started, was to write down my dreams as I remember them. I think a photo blog would be pretty cool...if only I remembered to take pictures and consistently put my pictures on my computer (my pictures usually don't make it to Facebook until at least 6 months after the first picture in the bunch was taken). A daily log of the significant things in my day seems to be what my journal is used for and this might be boring for some people to read...unless I make it interesting. I could always expand on the little thoughts that come to my mind (which seems quite common of a lot of blogs) or I can work through some of the big things that are on my mind. I've seen cooking/recipe blogs, fitness blogs, couple blogs, and many more. I am not sure but eventually I would like a theme to my entries, but for now, this will do and I will write whatever I want to write about.
In reading a very select number of blogs in my life, I find there is a certain rhetoric to blog-writing. I can't quite describe what it is, but I find myself falling into it as I'm writing now. Maybe it's the I-know-someone-is-reading-this-but-I'll-never-know-who writing style--you don't release too much emotion but just enough to give the reader a taste of your personality.
Daily Log:
Today was my second of two days off this week...but not really because I got called into work anyway. Since I started my new position (Assistant Front Office Manager), I have yet to work less than 6 days in a work week and less than 55 hours in a week. I was hoping this week would be different, but it wasn't. Luckily I only had to work 4 hours today vs. my normal 10-hour day. Yay for salary. Bleh.
Speaking of work, I did get some good news. I have been invited to attend an Introduction to Management course in Fort Worth for a week at the end of August. I'm not sure how big of a deal this is. I know I basically get to meet every single person from the Corporate Office but I don't really know what it's about--introducing me to management I suppose? This will be my first trip that my job is sending me on. It's only too bad the corporate office wasn't in New York or Florida.
Outside of work I spent my entire day running errands as usual. I'm in the process of buying furniture. My dining room and living room feel quite lonely right now. I also looked for a new phone. I am terrible at making decisions because I spend much too long trying to decide what's best for me. I'll even go to the extent of writing out a pro/con-list, only to find that they are completely even in their pros and cons. Eventually I have to make a decision. I have not reached this point yet on a phone, couch, or dining table. Tomorrow I am taking the morning off to not think about any of these "difficult" decisions (all of these decisions require me to commit to giving my money monthly to someone for the next year or two, which is why finalizing something is so hard). Meh.
Well, I think that is all for today. This isn't nearly the extent of information I would include in my journal, so I might end up doing both. Also, if there is a way to comment on blogs, feel free to do so. There are some things I'll write about that I would love feedback on, especially when I'm trying to work through frustrations or deep thoughts. Ok now, goodnight. Buona Notte. Bonne Nuit. Buenos Noches.
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